A Different Road Altogether

Just wanted to let everyone know that yes, there is life after a gay husband!  Life is good… No, life is GREAT!  I’m loving living on my own with the kids.  Doug and I have a great, healthy relationship, and I get to go on dates with STRAIGHT men!  Ah, the simple things in life that so many women take for granted… lol

Had my best date yet the other night, with someone I actually know rather than a stranger off an internet dating site.  It was fun and romantic, and it made me hopeful.

I’ll let you know what happens next…

Don’t ever let anyone tell you that breast cancer is a “favorable cancer.” Favorable cancers are curable; breast cancer is not.

We lost another sister this week, a young mother, a wife, a friend, a family member. I’m sure people at some point told her how lucky she was that they “caught” her cancer early, that she was “in the clear” because she had no nodes involved with her initial cancer. We’ve all heard it, and she lived it, yet she died on Friday. Metastatic breast cancer; metastatic triple negative breast cancer. It’s a killer. Don’t be lulled into thinking that early detection equals cured. There’s no such thing with breast cancer. We NEED a cure. We’re done with awareness; we NEED a cure. We’re done with losing our friends; we NEED a cure. We’re done with being afraid every time we have a pain; we NEED a cure. We’re done with panic attacks at our oncologist offices; we NEED a cure. We’re done with scans, with blood tests, with fear; we NEED a cure.

We’re done with leaving our little ones without a mother, our husbands without a wife, our mothers without their daughters.

Someone needs to find a cure.

Someone needs to find a cure so we can tell our daughters there’s nothing to fear. Breast cancer will not take their mom; it will not take them; it will not take their daughters.

Jayme was a beautiful young woman, diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer in March 2006, no nodes, same pathology as me, same diagnosis date as me. Yet she’s dead now. I’m so thankful to be alive…

Cancer sucks. I hate it…

And bought a road bike. Bicycle, not motorcycle!!

A couple months ago, I went out with a really nice guy who’s really into triathlons and cycling. I’ve always really enjoyed recreational cycling, but he peaked my interest in road cycling. So I’ve been researching, saving, and dreaming, and I finally bought a road bike! I really hoped to be able to have a bigger budget, but the kids are out of school, requiring much much money, so I got a really nice entry-level road bike. I got a Specialized Dolce, and it’s a great starting point. Last night I did my first group ride, a beginning road cycling ride out of Arlington. It was short - only 15 miles, but I’ve got to learn the technique of group rides. OMG!!!! What a total blast! I’m very hooked now, there’s no looking back…

Watch for me soon at a century ride! I WILL be there!

Sorry it’s been so long since I’ve posted to my blog, but life is busy!  Great, but busy!

So what’s going on…

I guess the biggest news is that I took my house off the market.  The timing just wasn’t right for such a big move.  I am giving it one more year here, and then I’ll re-evaluate the situation.  The kids are happy to be staying in their schools and by their friends.  Still, being so far away from their dad isn’t good for them.  That’s why we’ll still probably be moving in a year or so.

Things with Doug are going really well.  He’s happy in Dallas with his new life, and I’m so happy for him.  Our friendship is just as strong as ever, actually even more so.  We no long have the big elephant in the room between us, and it’s so nice to finally have an honest relationship with him.  Something that honestly surprises me is how quickly Doug and I have settled into our new relationship.  Actually, I guess that’s because it’s not really new.  He just no longer lives here.  We were never really truly husband and wife, just best friends.  And we can continue to be friends now.  The kids love going to his house and look forward to it every week.  He’s got a pool, so that never hurts! I know that someday we’ll have our dream situation - Doug and his partner, me and my guy, and the kids together as friends and family.
Work is going well.  I enjoy what I’m doing, and my company is very good to work for.  I’ve made a lot of new friends and I really enjoy being out of the house.  I also LOVE making my own money and being in charge of my own finances.

I’ve been back in the dating world now for a while, and it’s fun and interesting.  I enjoy meeting new people and going different places.  I’ve had some good dates, some not so good dates, and a couple REALLY GOOD dates.  I’ve learned quite a bit of what I’m looking for and what I’d like in a partner. At the same time, I’m perfectly comfortable and happy here on my own…

Oh, and Amy, Adam, and I celebrated taking the house off the market by adopting another retired racing greyhound.  His name is Tucker, and he’s fitting in well to our family.

On the cancer front, things are still going well.  No signs of the beast knocking on my door.  I plan on keeping it that way.

Life is good…

Huge changes going on around here…

In February, Doug moved out.  He’s living in Dallas now, and there’s no chance of him moving back to Arlington.  Yes, there’s a story there, but I don’t want to share things he’s not ready to share.  We’ve been going to counseling, and that’s helped us work through a lot of issues.  Not the marital ones - those can never be fixed - but the ones that will allow us to continue to be close friends.  I refuse to give up my friendship with him. I continue to support and defend him.  Please don’t ever say negative things about him to me…

The kids spent the night at his house last week for the first time, and of course they loved it.  They’re going again tomorrow and will stay till Sunday.  Doug’s house has a pool, so you know they’re going to went to be there A LOT!
The hard part is that Doug is so far away.  It’s impossible to be an involved father from a distance.  And because there’s no way he will move back to Arlington, I’ve made the decision to move us to Dallas.  I’m putting the house on the market asap (hopefully within a week), and hopefully it will sell by the time school is out.  The market is terrible, so I’ll be taking a huge loss in equity, but at this point, I just want out of it.  All this house does is remind me of Doug and our dreams when we bought it.  When I go to bed at night, it’s in the room we used to share.  When I get up in the morning, I get ready in the bathroom we used to share.  In the evening, his spot on the couch is empty.  I only cook for three now, not four.  This hurts my heart beyond words.

I need a fresh start.  A new place that will be mine and mine alone. Someplace that doesn’t remind me of Doug at every turn.  I’ll be renting for a while until I decide where I want to be permanently.  Or until I find me a man! 

I’m starting a new job on Monday at Brinks.  I’m going back into the instructional design field.  While I’m looking forward to this new start, I’m not relishing being a single working mother.  That is something I never ever wanted to be; I think it’s a detriment to me and to my children.  That’s another reason for the move to Dallas.  Doug will be able to have partial custody with me when we’re ready.  He’ll also be able to help me with the kids when I need it, when they’re sick or have a day off of school.  Right now I’m having to rely so heavily on my friends, and that’s not fair to them.  I’m lucky that Doug is happy and willing to help with the kids.  So many fathers just want out; he doesn’t.  He wants to be involved with them and raise them.  He’s a good dad.

Anyway, just wanted to give a quick update for those of you who have been asking…

This is a blog entry I just hate to make.  However, it’s the truth and needs to be said.
Doug and I are getting a divorce.  After 16 years of marriage, we just can’t be married anymore.  There is nothing that anyone can do to fix this, and it breaks my heart.  We are still best friends, but that’s pretty much all we’ve been for many many years.  It’s not fair to either one of us to continue our marriage, and it’s not fair to the kids either.  I’ve known for years that this was coming, and now it’s finally here…  I’m so very sad.
We told the kids on Saturday, and Doug will be moving out in two weeks.  He’ll be moving to Dallas until I can get a job and we can afford two households.  Then he’ll move back here to Arlington and have 1/2 custody of the kids.

So I’m job hunting again after 9 years of being out of the formal work force. If you know of any great writing, editing, or web development jobs in the Fort Worth/Dallas area, I’d love to hear about them.

Sorry for the short entry; I just don’t have the emotional strength to go into the hairy details.

I lost four pounds this week!  FOUR!!  To say I’m pleased is an understatement.  This brings my total weight loss since Nov 27 to 7.8 pounds.  The loss this week is really helping me be motivated for the visit at my parent’s house this week.  They’ve made TONS of treats and you don’t even want to know what we’re eating for Christmas lunch.  Then the rest of the week will be more yummy food.  But I’m going to stay on track and make sure I track all my points.  My goal this week is to maintain.  Thankfully, Dad walks 3 miles every morning, so I’ll be going with him.  Then, in the afternoon, I plan on walking another 2 miles with my mom.  The exercise should help!

I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas!

Told you I would gain.  Up .8 today.  Sigh…

You know, I consider myself very lucky that my worst worry right now is my weekly weigh-in at Weight Watchers.  I know too many young women who are worried about their recent mets diagnosis right now - actually about 7 or 8 in the last two months.  Most of these are women who were originally diagnosed around the same time as me.  I know I’m in the most dangerous time period right now for recurrence, but I am going to continue sticking my head in the sand.  If obsessing about my diet keeps me from thinking about cancer dancing around in my body, I’m going to do it!

So, as I said in my title, my 3rd weigh-in is this morning.  The first week on WW, I lost 3.6 lbs.  The second week it was 1 lb, so in two weeks, I’d lost almost 5 pounds!

This week I’m expecting a gain.  I was NOT GOOD on Saturday.  I saved my 24 of my flex points for Saturday in preparation, but they in no way covered what went in my mouth that day!  But it was a fun day!  We met our friends John and John in Plano and had a fabulous lunch at Maggianos.  I knew I was in trouble when everyone decided we should order family style.  Sigh…  I did the best I could, ate really small portions, and drank alot of water.  So after paying $18 for my lunch alone, I left bordering on hungry.

Now, if lunch had been the end of the day, I’d be on track!  BUT, not so!  And I knew this going in, so it’s not a shock or anything.  After lunch, we went over to Johns’ house and spent the day visiting, playing the Wii, drinking, and eating.  I brought my 1 point beer, but honestly, it’s not so good, and the Corona Light was SO much better!  Then Doug made me a chocolate martini.  He makes the best chocolate martinis!  And later John made me a chocolate martini - or actually, was it just vodka with a tiny splash or Godiva chocolate?  Yeah, I think it was the second.  How do you NOT drink what your host makes you and not be rude?  I am not an alcohol drinker, so this was actually hard for me!

Regardless, I know I went overboard and I’m going to have to face the music today.

But I do want to say, Melina’s birthday was on Tuesday and we took her to the new Cheesecake Factory that just opened at the Parks Mall.  She’d never been before, so it was something we HAD to do!    I was very good there - I got a diet coke, a house salad with low-cal dressing on the side, and coffee for dessert.  Maybe three points total.  And I ate this while watching 5 other people eat fried food, pasta, creamy soup, etc and I didn’t cave in!  Then I watched all 5 of these ladies eat cheesecake for dessert. So I give myself a couple pats on the back for that day.

One hour and 15 minutes to go…

Wish me luck!

I lost weight!  3.6 pounds to be exact.  What a huge relief.  Now to just keep it going…